Keeping tabs on my teens

Teens spend most of their computing time online. One of the responsibilities of parenthood is to keep track of them. I was concerned about the threats my kids might be encountering on the Internet, both from websites that try to install malicious software and from explicit "adult" websites that can easily be accessed or even stumbled upon accidentally.

Unfortunately, the more you try to monitor kids, the more they try to avoid you. When I talked to my 15-year-old daughter about software that allows parents to monitor their kids' computer activities, she said she understood that many kids might need such monitoring. But she didn't say she needed such controls herself.

"If it would work and if kids couldn't find a way around it, it would be a good idea," she told me.

Even this half-hearted statement was good enough for me. I decided to turn on the Parental Controls feature on the shared computer we have in the family room. I started by setting some limits on my teens' use of this computer.

Turning on Parental Controls in Windows is a good way to grow an extra pair of eyes in the back of your head.

Note

The Parental Controls feature comes with all editions of Windows 7.

I found Parental Controls remarkably easy to configure. By setting up separate user accounts, I was able to tweak the Parental Controls settings for each of my daughters. For my 13-year-old, I restricted access to instant messaging programs. For my 15-year-old, I allowed access to games with ratings up through "Teen."

These days, my daughters are likely to stay up later than I am. I set Parental Controls to block computer use after midnight. "The time limits don't bother me because I'm not on the computer a lot anymore," my 15-year-old said.

Originally, when I blocked out the hours when they couldn't use the computer, I went from midnight to 8 A.M. I thought it unlikely that they would be surfing the web before breakfast. Not so; I heard the following: "Dad, I need to get my homework before I go to school."

"Shouldn't you have gotten your homework last night?"

"Daaaad!" That peculiar three-syllable word told me I had better change the blackout times and not engage in any more back-and-forth.

Even if they're not sleeping, I’m assured that my daughters can't use the shared computer in the wee hours.

If your kids, like mine, frequently use Windows Live Messenger and Windows Live Hotmail, Windows Live Family Safety is a fitting solution.

Family Safety is a mixture of software you install on your computer and an online service that works with your web browser. It lets you block and allow specific websites and view activity reports so you know what your kids have been doing. Family Safety also lets you decide which people your kids can contact online through Messenger and Hotmail.

The idea of installing Family Safety on my kids' computers met with considerable resistance, especially when I told them that I would have the ability to block websites and track their online activities.

"That sounds really weird," said my 13-year-old. "Don't you trust me?"

I explained that Family Safety would keep her from visiting websites where she might be exposed to "adult" content or other things that were unsuitable for her. Not surprisingly, she asked how I would determine whether or not the sites were unsuitable. Fortunately, it isn’t just me making the decisions. Family Safety includes a content filter that can block or allow websites by the categories I choose. For instance, I can choose to block all websites classified as containing adult content. If my daughters want to visit a blocked site, they can send me a message asking for permission, which I can grant or deny from any computer on the web, or even my mobile phone.

Kids can ask parents for permission to visit a blocked website.

When I first installed Family Safety, I told my daughters why I thought it was important to set up the system rather than simply forcing it on them, and we discussed the kinds of activities and sites that would be permitted. We agreed, for instance, that some of their favorite game-playing sites would be specifically allowed. I also mentioned to them that activity reports would keep a record of their online activities. But I quickly added that I trusted them and wouldn't check the reports on a regular basis.

You might never use the activity reports, but it's good to know there's a record of your child's Internet use in case there's cause for concern.

Although my girls would never admit it, I think they are comforted by the monitoring features of Parental Controls and Family Safety and reassured that there is always room for negotiation. Like so many other parts of teen-parent relationships, computer use is a series of give-and-take experiences. And these programs helped me learn something about my kids. I already knew how bright and wonderful they are. I learned that they don't mind some oversight, especially if we set up the monitoring systems together and keep communicating.